****Castle Of Belgenstein**** Please comment and enjoy!!!

Ok! I am new 2 tis club and i would like to actually write a story online! Enjoy!
Leave me some comments and suggestions. You can also tell me in what way you hope the story develope into. Thank you! Arigato!!!!! Merci!!! Gracias!!! Xie xie!!! Thank you!!!!!!!



The Castle of Belgenstein

-Lisa Zhang

Once upon a time, in the country of Theron, there was a castle in a city called Belgenstein...
In this huge castle lived the lord and his wife. As in other stories, they didn't have any children. So, they made a voyage to Dyeetui Shrine, Shuoie Island to visit Mother Evangeline- a famous and powerful mage.
---------------------------------------- In Dyeetui Shrine---------------------------

"Oh... Mighty wielder of magic, please guide me and my husband. We ask for a child and thus came a long way to visit you with the blackest pearls and the darkest diamonds of Theron's seas. Please listen to our prayers."
" Please stand. My Lord and your Wife are embarrassing me. I don't deserve such respect.... I am simply a magic wielder."
" nonono, don't be..."
" Anyway. You wish for a child. But i can't give you a boy, for many kings of Shrofean have been asking for one. If this keeps up, " ( she put on her glasses, and turned around) " according to my data, the women population would be affected greatly." She pointed onto a computer's screen.
" Ummm... Indeed O Oracle of the Knight Singers.... But, may i ask, what is that? A box with magical views?"
" Oh! Forget about what you saw a second ago. Ummm... This is too ahead of your time. A high tech object too be more specific. Anyway, i can give you a girl, She will be blessed and have a beauty that nobody will be able to resist. She might encounter trouble... Will you respect her as your own daughter and let her do what she is interested in? Will you promise to side her whenever she needs you- her parents?"
" Yes. We will."
" Very well, very well..." Mother Evangeline recited, with a mysterious grin on her face." My Lady, remember your words." Mother Evangeline holded Lady Shrona's hand. A flame dashed into the woman's body. She felt her blood racing and knew that, as the mage said, a new life was going to be born...

(to be continued.........)
Copyright ©2006 LisaZhang (Yiyi)

Ok! Here i am again!!!! let's continue this bedtime story of mine!!!!!!!!!!!

The Castle of Belgenstein
Part 2

Just like Mother Evangeline's Prophecy, Lord Norman and Lady Shrona had a girl a year later. Her birth brought the land both joy and mourn. Lady Shrona passed away. The girl was then named Spica, the name of the brightest star in the constellation of Virgo, and also after Lady Shrona in Theronian.
Lord Norman wished for a wife to take care of the castle when he was at King Arthur's round table. ( lord Norman is famous for his reputation and being a skilled knight. His bravery, his courage, and his kindness won him his people's respect.)
He ordered servants to post posters on each and every street of the land and sent invitations to lords and nobles to notify them of a ball. Much like Cinderella, Lord Shrona found a wife on the ball. A noblewoman who lost her husband in the Ioufann War. She had a daughter as well. The marriage was grand and festive.


------------------------------ Five years later----------------------------

Lord Norman told Lady Weidoa about the promise. But she refused to let Spica do what she wanted to.
" My Lord, if Lady Spica goes on acting like a monkey, then it will bring shame to our land, wouldn't it? I think a lady should act more properly, and not like a peasant."
" Ummmm.... Ok. But I don't think Mother Evangeline would agree."
" No. I perfectly agree with that."
The voice came from the smoke in which the mage slowly appeared from. " I think that if you do attempt to make Spica more ladylike, for it will be an important turn in her fate.
" If it's what you wish, then we will do as you suggest."
" yes indeed..."
The mage didn't want to change Spica's nature, but she knew that in order to let Spica meet him, the first requirement is to let her stay in the cage like a prey, since he will change her, and she will be the light of his life...



-( to be continued) :x D:
Copyright ©2006 LisaZhang (Yiyi)

a good start i'll say, however, they seem like short stories of the past of the characters that will lead to the present, am i right?

Nce start lisa!! =] keep it up

mm.. There are a couple of grammer mistakes here and there, especially towards the end.

" I think that if you do attempt to make Spica more ladylike(then....?). For that will be an important turn in her fate."

The mage didn't want to change Spica's nature, but she knew that in order to let Spica meet him, then she should let Spica be a cage bird(what's a cage bird). Because he will change her, and she will be his only light... (try not to begin a sentence with because)

We ask for a child and thus came a long way to visit you with the blackest pearls and the shiniest diamonds of Theron. (Instead of 'shiniest', maybe you could use a different adj.)

Please stand. My Lord and your Wife are making (me) embarrassed.

Some of your 'I's aren't capitalized.

Just don't forget to read over and edit it.

HelenX wrote:

We ask for a child and thus came a long way to visit you with the blackest pearls and the shiniest diamonds of Theron. (Instead of 'shiniest', maybe you could use a different adj.)

hmm.. maybe darkest of pearls and brightest of diamonds?
or blackest of pearls and purest of diamonds?

I didn't capitalize the "I"s since i was too lazy 2, anyway, please enjoy this story....




The Castle of Belgenstein
-Part 3-

As it turned out, Spica was then binded to her studies of manners, literature, writing... She was never allowed to do what she wished to , her father clearly knew it, but he still wished that Spica could meet her stepmother's requirements... since....

***************
Mother Evangeline: " But there is one thing i must say... Let her have freetime from this busy schedule; let it be every Sacred Day, and let her have a walk in the Garden of Shonoit, so that she could follow the prophecy..."

Lord Norman:" Umm... Prophecy? What is on your mind, Mighty mage?"
Mother Evangeline:" Nothing you should worry about, My Lord. Just let your wife be in charge of it. I will watch over this Daughter of yours, and may I ask to be the Lady's Godmother?"
Lord Norman: " How could i reject such an offer!"
Mother Evangeline:" Yes.yes... All is according to plan..."

***************

----------------------------- One Month Later-------------------------
Spica grew into a fair girl. You can say, she inheritated Snow White's skin, Sleeping Beauty's beauty, Little's Mermaid's voice, and the Beauty from the Beauty and the Beast's kindness.
But there was one thing that was missing. She needed love.
Though her eyes were as blue as the sky, but they were empty; though she sang sweetly, but it was missing a feeling; her heart was pounding, but it missing life.
Her stepmother and her sister were both jealous of the girl's beauty, but what could they do? They started commanding the servants to coldly treating Spica and ignore her. They always murmured how "ugly" Spica was, when compared to them.
Lord Norman was busy burying his head into the paper work from King Arthur and rarely left his escritoire, so he never knew how lonely Spica was.
Lady Weidoa did, however, follow Mother Evangeline's instructions and removed all programs placed on Sacred Day that she had in store for this step-daughter of hers. She feared the mage's power and sometimes scanned an obviously empty room, reassuring herself, that Mother Evangeline wouldn't be as low as to sneak into a noble's room and spy on her privacy, would she?
As the gears of time turned slowly, Spica was fond to the Shonoit Garden. The garden consisted a bridge that crossed over the lake, connecting the West Wing of the castle and the East Wing of it. There were swings and balancoires; flowers decorated each and every corner. It is the perfect paradise for butterflies and shelter for birds.
Spica loved this peaceful place; nobody besides her nanny would interrupt the melody of nature and stop the chanting of her empty belly.
Life was nothing but a monologue to her. She talked scarcely with anyone. To her stepmother, she used the simplest and gentle responses such as " yes, Mother," or " Whatever you wish, Mother."; she communicated little with her father, not that she even had that much of a chance. It was her nanny who would accompany her most of the time; she would sometimes chat with this amiable old woman, or surprise her by suddenly jump out of her hiding place, or entertain her with the songs she've heard her sister singing with her friends in the North Wing. She enjoyed sitting with the mother-like and notice not stepmother like woman, and listen to the chants of the winged creatures in the Garden. But still, her heart was empty and she sought nothing.

**************** On a Sacred Day in the Fifth year after Spica's birth************

She was resting in the far corner of her little green world. Her nanny had recently been busy helping out the kitchen maid and would join her master only to satisfy the grumbling stomach of this Little Angel.
She was daydreaming, but of what besides strategies she could adapt to escape from the boring lecture of Master Amilda, when she felt a presence close by, one on the other side of the high walls surrounding the garden.

( sorry but i am too tired to continue, so i will edit it later on in the future when i am free, but here is a hint, this person is a he and he would be a main character of the story, but not the only main male character though... )


Copyright ©2006 LisaZhang (Yiyi)

coooolll is the he going to be her prince out of a fairytale land and come rescue her from her unhappy life then bringing her along her only companion her nanny along to his castle????? the part back to first day was funny with the domination of population by women!!!! so interesting makes me wanna hide and seek

Ahh..minus the grammar mistakes, it's a really good story; you have a really good plot idea, so you better hurry and add to it so I can read it.

Ok!!!!!! Here goes the 4th part ppl!!!!!( to think dat i hav 2 exams friday and two quizzes tomorrow!!!) Please be appreciative toward this gurl here who's still writin 2 suport this club!!!!!



The Castle of Belgenstein
-Part 4-

***********In the Garden of Shonoit, On the Same Sacred Day, continuing last time**

She was daydreaming, but of what besides strategies she could adapt to escape from the boring lecture of Master Amilda, when she felt a presence close by, one on the other side of the high walls surrounding the garden.
She glanced over her shoulder. She thought it was another of her imaginary friend. But no. It was a shadow, a real living person. She scrutinized the boy: he was dark haired; shiny and sea-blue eyes was examining her from top to toe and from toe to top.
Boy: Are you the bra.... I mean, the daughter of Lady Shrona?
Spica: I think so...
Boy: I am George. Nice meeting you.
( he jumped down and smiled cooly)
Spica: Geordge?
George: George, my lady.What are you doing here?
Spica: Well. I stand here and... listen to the birds... and the stream there...
George: Aren't you lonely?
Spica: What is lonely?
George: Lonely is... it is... i mean... Fine, i will define it to you next time. When could i see you again?
Spica: Every Sacred Day.
George: Fine! Let's meet up then!!!

He jumped over the wall, and disappeared under the light. It seemed like a dream to Spica to talk to someone outside of the castle.But it was not, and she was thrilled.
*************
Starting that day, George visited every sacred day. They talked. They sang. They played in the garden, in the bushes, in the trees, and in the stream. It was fun to Spica, and she learned feelings such as "happiness" "joy" and "fun".
*************
On one Sacred Day, George didn't appear on the wall. Spica felt sour inside. The world seemed black and white again. She knew what this was: a feeling of sadness for being all by herself. She knew this was called loneliness...

*************
Spica: Why weren't you here last time?
George: Ummm... Do you know now? What lonely is?
Spica: If that was lonely, I don't want to be lonely ever ever again.
George: Well, i gotta go now.
Spica: NOOO! Stay!!! I need you!!
George: I have to go!! Unless....
Spica:?
George: Unless you get me that Aeotiewa Diamond ring of your stepmother's...
Spica: But but that's impossible...
George: Fine! Bye! MISSY!
Spica: Wait... Will you really stay?
George: Of course!
Spica: Ok.. wait here...
Spica sneaked out of the garden. Through the grass, through the trees, across the bridge, and around the gates guarded by the Palace Guards. She no longer listened to the birds, no longer enjoyed the wind whistling beside her ears, no longer sitting or plotting a plan to avoid her masters. She wanted George to stay.
She sulked across the main hall to the North Wing of the Castle. She chose the nearest route to her destination.She ran and climbed the Tower of Stars. Inside, she found the room of her stepmother. Her heart was racing with excitement that she never felt. She wanted George to stay.
She groped for the ring. She searched for the ring; she knew her stepmother always liked to display how magnificent her ring was, and usually placed it into the Fosiohr box made of high-qualified glass. She snatched the ring out; she dashed out of the bedroom, shocking the maids who came to clean the chamber. SHe knew that it was wrong. But she also realized that the ring possesed the light to open a door to the colorful world...
She found herself in the garden.
Spica: George?
Someone hit her on her back. She dreamt of George picking up the ring and turning around. She moaned a bit, and called out for him, but he didn't seem to hear. She didn't try any longer. Because she saw his grin- a cold and shrewd smile revealed his intent. Her heart was broken...
****************
She woke up finding herself in her own room.
Lady Weidoa: What is the meaning of this, young lady?
Spica: Well...
Lady Weidoa: I demand a proper answer. Have you seen my ring?
Spica: I don't know. I didn't see it.
Lady Weidoa: Are you sure lath?
nanny Marlanda: I was... i was with the mistress all the time, i can prove that she was playing by herself.
Spica knew the nanny was trying to help.
Lady Weidoa: Then how do you explain my stolen ring?
Nanny Marlanda: Must have been some low thief... It has nothing to do with the young mistress my Lady.
Lady Weidoa: And why did Spica faint?
Nanny Marlanda: Her weak body couldn't stand against the extreme heat of Noon.
Spica saw through the lies. She was almost sure that everyone in the room could as well. Her stepmother stared at the nanny for a while, turned to Spica, as if to she was asking" it is true" in a silent way with solely her eyes.
Spica: Yes, it is.
Said spica in a diminutive voice bearly audible.
Finally, the Lady walked out of the room with lines of maids following like obedient puppies, holding her today long and gorgeous gown. Another one especially made for this one and only day, Spica thought. lady Weidoa had a habit of wearing a new gown especially sewn for her by the Castle Tailor, and always let her daughter have them after that. ( as if she was testing them out) Spica never got the new and used only once ones, instead, she wore the ancient dresses her sister thought not "in" enough. Even though her stepmother seemed to reason that she wore a dress for special occasions, it seemed that there were too many special occasions to her Lady in order for her to purchase a gown every single day.
Spica was relieved when the Lady stepped out. She threw a thankful glance at her nanny. But her heart was once again frozen.
She lied for the first time; she cried for the first time; but it didn't seem to be the first time that she experienced loneliness...


(to be continued)
Copyright ©2006 LisaZhang (Yiyi)

how is it so far ppl? I dunt no coz i am d author. So giv me some comments so i can further edit my story into a " happy-ending-story" unless u r the kinda person who is tragic.

once again you have succeeded describing the coldness and threats of loniness i'm so wowed i can pass out in a sec!!!ONLY you CAN AND DID put it into a fairy-tale-fable very heavenly and then seriously point her faults man is that george prince a little picky or what!!!!! SMART effort you have put in AND IT'S SOOO COOOL IN THE HONEST WAY LIKE THE MOST DESCRIPTIVE DETAILED MODERN FABULOUS NEW TOPICS TOP 1 VIEW!!!!!!! O YEA BABY!!! KEEEEP GOING TILL THE SHORT STORY TURNS INTO A LOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG CITY OF CLIMAX!!!!!!! YEAAA HAHAHAHAYAYAYYAHAHAHAYAYAYAJHAHAHA

ok uhmhmm you put great details about the evilness in the world that spread out over the castle hows she dealing with the losss of ring and lieing to her master or whoever i like the idea sooooo cutee ee EVIILLLL IS TWISTED HAHAHA I WONDER HOW DID PRINCE KILL HER HEART SO HARDDDD

Ok! I found out wat 2 rite next>>>... And it is going to be fun ppl
Please go up readin it and support tis story!!!! u can tell other ppl bout it tooo.!!!

Castle Of Belgenstein
Part 5
It's been three months since her happy-and-unhappy encounter with George.
It was the same old life; It was the same old faces; It was the same old world of black and white livings surrounding her and trapping her from reaching the outer world.
But one thing was different: She no longer wanted to resist the studies and the books her teachers' piled up on her desk. The overwhelming despair had buried her last bit of hope and the idea of running away from the proper-lady-acts-come-from-well-bred-lady motto; the idea of breaking away from the life her stepmother set up for her; the idea of fleeing from a wealthy miss' life completely slipped away from her mind. She was miserable and empty...
Her nanny had often asked Lady Weidoa to stop Spica from going to the Garden of Shonoit any more; but was rejected by Mother Evangeline, " it is for ther best and for Spica's future." The nanny always insisted on demanding for a reason, but Mother Evangeline's mere stare frowned the geriatric woman, having the same effect as it does on other beings.
Mother Evangeline was a genial lady to Spica. SHe often taught her of abstract ideas most livings of the outer world experienced, adding more to her dictionary that so far had only the words "loneliness", "nanny", "stepmother", "daddy","godmother", "George" and a few others.
"Love"....what is that?
" It is a warm feeling you would someday have towards a person you deeply care for..."
" Is it warmed than the beans-carrot soup?"
" Yes. Warmer than the sunlight that flickers in between the branches; warmer than the flaming fire of the main hall stove; it would feel like a flame burning in your heart- giving you the courage to face problems and the reasons to live."
"Would it feel cold inside if you lost it?"
"Of course. It would hurt deeply, like you lost part or even your entire self."
*******************************
It would hurt deeply... ugh....
Spica knew that feeling. She knew love and the loss of love.... Of course... it was that bitter feeling she had when he betrayed her... She knew it was the feeling she had when he smiled at her... He was her first love; the first one; the first one she lost; and probably the last as well...

(to be continued)
Copyright ©2006 LisaZhang (Yiyi)

by ageeing i meant hardships Spica experienced with george once and that habit of being far away from common people really influences my pity for her loneliness that was very fluent words you wrote down it reminds me of life like a lottery the way people controls their lifes i was once fallen into the deep dark corner of neglect i could have barely changed that miserable moment without my grandparents' advises and supports to be more outgoing and commutative how you doing with the next scene??????????? like our hard math problems that takes centuries to endure our masters yeaaa Spica is a very acknowledging girl alreadyyy!!!! wooohooo i'm so pissed your story is actually mind-blowing i'm kicked to the curve oo yea how do you insert a story in a page of under your title could you tell me what to do im very wowed

i cant post anythin right now since i hav these freakin tests tomorrow and next week... I will try 2 continue this story during weekends...

ok dokey no problemoooo coool with me come on come on im waitnnnnn hows the test going are you coming back now? later? here???? hahahaha just kidding im like anticipating your works its very blendy to life i cant express fiction better sooo coooolllllll and flattering to make stuff gorgeous your tests yepppp yeppp uhuhhh yea me too i just came to play in here not flat hehehe weekendssss

ok... i think that i will have many tests next week, which is y i'll put up one little part of the story... anyway, make way 4 d mighty story teller who is again going 2 wave her wand and perform a magical world...

Castle Of Belgenstein

-Part 6

***********************
She has been counting the days that passed by since meeting George. She missed the boy's company despite his shrewness. It was as if the Garden of Shonoit itself was trying to summon the dark-haired lad. She lost a piece of her life that she had, 182 days ago found in this exact same spot- in the back of the garden, against the wall, between the two huge oak trees...
***********************
She was staring at a flower that tried to outgrow the rock that blocked its way to the surface. She imagined how impossible it was for the little plant to outmass and lift up the caillou, that was settled on top of its weak body, unless it possessed a power greater than Hercules, or Ooigan- a legendary hero of Theron in the Hammarabian War.
She was spacing out when her nanny gingerly stepped to her side and gently ran her fingers through the long gorgeous hair. She seemed quite proud of the well-bred lass, but she knew that her mistress was not yet complete. She could see it from her dull eyes that the child was searching for a shard of her soul and mind.
The nanny was called to the Main Hall to help out with decorating. The younger lady's birthday was approaching. She hasted and ran to the corridor, waiting for instructions. This allowed Spica to have some time alone, she thought, as most children of her age enjoy the peaceful moment when they truly belong to themselves.
***********************
Spica, however, has wished that her nanny could have stayed a bit longer. The geriatric women's prescense, could at least confirm that she was a living being cared by someone. But as she left, she found the charming garden gloomy again.
She often turned back as feeling a coolness casted onto her back, but usually ended up watching a cloud conquering the sun, or a branch which managed to grow a bit longer to reach the wall.
She longed George's dark brunette hair and his fair face.
She glanced at the wall. Only to find the trees, the rampant veins of weeds scattered all over the wall, and a dim shadow...
She gasped.
Stunned, she raised her head toward the owner of the shadow. She found herself staring into a pair of blue eyes, discovering how much they resembled the so-called "immence sea"- mysterious, beautiful and unpredictable.
A person besides the guards of her palace, besides her nanny, Marlanda; besides her cruel stepmother and her scarcely seen father who seemed to be locked in his study ( no wonder!!! He's a Knight and Magus on King Arthur's court; he is always burried in his books, even on the night of his new marriage, he brought in a book with him into the wedding bed- that was a similarity both Lady Shrona and Lady Weidoa shared- they both teased their husband in their bed for having a hard time concentrating on the scrolls with both hands around his wife!!!Anyway...)
She now saw a boy- a person different from the indiffident soldiers who guarded the castle's west wing, where Spica lived and was "imprisoned" to her studies; she saw a face - not as strict as her stepmother's, not as wise as her father's, not as gerriatric as her nanny.
He jumped off the wall and stood erect in front of her. He was examining her just as enthusiasticly as she was scrutinizing this unexpected guest from head to toe.
He seemed taller than her by an inch or two.
He had slightly tanned skin, probably a result from working in the fields, Spica thought, to help out his father maybe.
He had undeveloped muscles and dark brown hair, reminding her of someone.
The person standing in front of her was not a page, not a man and certainly, not George...


( to be continued)
Copyright ©2006 LisaZhang (Yiyi)

who's he??? the nice side of george but not him??? wooooo sooo exciting tell me more tell telll tellllll faster faster faster!!!! ahhhhh is he another one of her traiter omg I like your description for the forest where she met george man how subtle gorgeous did it grow in her eyes after she first found him ?? huhhuhuhuhh woohoo yeaa uhum I proudly say to myself and thy the 2nd page aniversary for Lisaz castle of bergensteinnn wahahah How fascinating!! hehehe attention!!

he probably would be another traitor, unless you want me 2 mak him gud, instead of havin the third guy 2 be nice. U no, it's always lik dat, wen u hav two evil ppl and then a gud guy...
Gimme sum mor opinions ppl, so i can mak the story mor exciting...

sory,ppl, i am currently very very tired of my HWS and tests and more main-ideally-speaking, my life. Sooo.... u guys would hav to wait 4 a long long long *10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000....days. Or maybe less...

oooo ok uhmm such realistic fairy tale very cool subject!!! I would suggest to uhm make her go to another realm of life like the futuristic future in year2006 or sumthing fall through the black hole somewhere in the mysterious court in her castle:beer: hehe out of my exaggeration !! make her fall to a place where a person that had fallen through the same hole like a 'disappeared' servant, now lived huhuhn and they explore the mysterious connection of portals to dark world where people call george the deafening prince and at the same time they found other girls that fall through the holes all together form an alliance they learned of conspiracy plan of dark world to kill the world in future because they are the world protectors and never can she return home and she experienced unfamiliar things in a far sientific world she was taught by her servant to hide as normal person then through struggles they learned the importance of friendship, honesty, and cooperating or wise beings the they are out back to their world after the lesson was learned they realized so much soo they lived happily ever after!!! that would be similar to anime

well, i am going to post a story of her traveling to another world in the future after Im done with this series; also, i thought of her daughter's stories as well... It's just hard to describe the story into words, but i have the main idea in my head already.

ppl, from now on, if u wanna continue the story, u would be more than welcome to go to http://theron.bbfr.net/index.forum
Its a new website that i had created. I dunt realy no how 2 publish a cool website of my own, please teach me......... OH! gotta go!

ppl, please.... please....please join my website!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And show mercy when commenting.... I am new to building websites you know.... please register by the way...